Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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