Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
