i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Still dying that you shit outside
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you