I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
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well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
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I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.