Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(304): View more from West Virginia

all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over

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(815): View more from Illinois

I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.

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(917): View more from New York City

Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.

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(559): View more from California

I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.

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These 23 People Had Coworkers From Hell
Read it at the TFLN blog
(940): View more from Texas

I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.

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(619): View more from California

It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.

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(763): View more from Minnesota

I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.

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(510): View more from California

"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.

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(704): View more from North Carolina

Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples

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