all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
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I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
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He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples