So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.