My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go