Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
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