9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Randomize
