I showed him my bush... on skype.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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