Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
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you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
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Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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