Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
