so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Randomize
