We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
