Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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