So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
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You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
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Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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