dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
