Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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