Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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