I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
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