ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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