so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
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She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
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You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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