oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
