Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
