Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
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