I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'm getting married
To pizza
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
