The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
