If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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