we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
