oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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