She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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