Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
