then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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