currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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