birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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