So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
