dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
