just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
