okay pat passed out under dana's car
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
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