and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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