you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
