Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
