She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
