Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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