Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
