He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
It's official drugs can't kill me
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
is it fun? or sober?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
