Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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