i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
