You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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