Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
