I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
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He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
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Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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