the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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