So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Randomize
