normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I cut my penus on the lid.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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