I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
