i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
