Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
