You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
