The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
She tied me up with her honor cords...
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
