Sorry, I don't speak sober.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
