We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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