I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
