She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
