dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
