So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
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There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
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And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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